We will meet again [Алекс Бранд] (fb2) читать постранично, страница - 3

shadow came over — she would call him Doctor, although he had never been any doctor. There was a war and she so wanted to contribute to the fight, she even donated blood then, although it was not required. And after the shooting she felt unwell, dizzy, he supported … Conversation, a look, a grip of a hand. Spark. No, don't! She remembers, do not show it! Damn night highway, damn car … A moment of weakness. A woman silhouette with huge frilly hat on her head. Her name is Snake. Much things then happened because of her, and she doesn't want to remember any of this. She does not want. Will not want. Never. Her eyelids trembled, a lonely slow tear rolled down her cheek. Then she realized that it was time to change something, it was time to change herself. The time has come to state that I am different, I am no longer a “sweet universal's sister”. I don't want to be her anymore. Probably, I never really was.

The book in hand, she read it for a day without stopping. Here it is! How she was convincing, persistent, just like her recent heroines. And — that church, a quiet song, she had just sang it standing by the window… She did not sleep at nights was tormented by insomnia — let the fatigue be real! No glycerin tears. It should, should have happened! Then for a moment it seemed that she had broken free from the fetters of the imposed image. She is a goddess again! Oh, really? There are no gods without believing in them. The love of the crowd is cruel and selfish, it is quick to worship. And to sentence with oblivion. A sad smile on a pale haggard face… She closed her eyes, not wanting to see. Now this letter will appear. Oh, yes… She remembers a few of his short lines perfectly. As she remembers that endless evening and herself sitting alone in the twilight of the living room. Only one thought was monotonously repeated — that's it… That's it. Phone call. It was him, a Friend.

— I'll be right now, the contract is with me, you will enter the amount yourself. They will regret it.

— No.

— But…

— Come. Without papers. Sit with me…

Silence, black shadows throwing on the walls and ceiling, the crackle of a flame in the fireplace, golden brittle gleams on two crystal glasses. She haven't took a drink of her own.

— Thank you for everything. For all.

— Where are you now, what will you do? May be…

— No. Sorry.

Of course, she was not alone — her parents, sister, daughter … And soon … She squeezed her fingers on the old polished wood of the window sill, how dizzy she is again … Just like when He suddenly offered to leave with him, far away over the ocean. Leave everything. Forever and ever. Here is his face, these funny glasses … He did not know where to put his hands, having lost his European charm. At first, she didn’t even have something to say. Sure, before it happened she guessed and there were rumors about… All the same, it was unexpected and… Near him was warm, calm and joyful. She had never experienced anything like this before, and he felt it, with the eternal flair of a loving and beloved man. His eyes opened, still not fully believing … Yes! And after a short time — pronounced in a ringing voice "'oui", already here, in this small town, in a church nearby.

— But you'll have to always protect me from …

— Whom?

Look in the eyes, smile.

— From spiders, mosquitoes and reporters, dear. Do you agree?

He smiled back and squinted.

— From spiders with mosquitoes — no problem, you yourself do not want to communicate with them. But the reporters… Are you sure you won't go to them yourself? They will call you, time after time. And not only reporters.

Her face hardened, her look became serious, she put her hand on his arm, squeezed her fingers.

— I will not return there. Never.

Not everything was smooth at the beginning. They were very careful. Sometimes even too careful and this often led to suspicions and quarrels. Even to parting. Did she again make a mistake? No. The separation was short. They overcame everything together. They were meant for each other — nothing could separate them. Both went to this a long and difficult path. The birth of a son, home routines, family. She looks greedily, the past life unfolds before her in broad strokes. How much happiness and joy she had, just joy. Traveling, meeting with a few relatives and friends. Sometimes a Friend called from across the ocean, he did not forget her all these years.

— Are you still happy, dear?

— Yes.

— I will try another time.

But another time the answer remained the same. And the next, and again, and more… He backed down and remained just a Friend, to the bitter end.

No, she was not forgotten. Letters came a lot. It is impossible to read and answer to everyone, it was a kind of lottery for two — for her and the lucky one. What is there in the envelope? If it was decorated with a flower, a heart, or something similar, she sent the letter to the basket. She was attracted by simple outlines, firmly and simply written lines of the address and name. Then — reading. And again, everything was decided by the very first words, the handwriting could say a lot, the color of the ink. So she felt… Wishes of happiness, good luck, hopes for her return, questions about family and health. Even requests… There was one letter … She does not remember where it came from and who sent it. Fingers touched hair. They are still long and thick, just now gray… Then she was proud of her hair mane and the fan asked for a curl. Of course, she did not answer. But remembered. And the moment came when this memory was useful. But more about that later, if there is time. How fast it goes … And how much more she want to see, feel again, because… After all, everything passes in front of her for the last time. Then — eternal darkness. She took a deep breath to get enough of it, to feel the coolness and freshness of this magic evening. Who gave her this, who did not want her to leave, slackening helplessly in her bed? No answer. Another breath… How much water has she already drunk? She carefully glanced at the decanter out of the corner of her eye, dreading to see the truth — a little lake on the very bottom. Let be. But she could stand here and watch, hear. To alive again! Not for a long time. Let be. Deep breathing has awakened long-standing chest pain — a trace of the road accident and broken ribs. The pain, however, reminded of something else, something that still sometimes causes a secret forbidden melancholy. How many years have passed? She does not remember exactly.

It was a bright summer populous day, he suddenly froze in the middle of the street, with his head up, staring at the church spire. She did not have time to brake and knocked him down, strongly hitting him in the side. Lord… He flew off to the sidewalk, rolled a few yards and froze. The surrounding people screamed in fright and she had already opened the door and jumped out, bent and took her hand. Then she was still fast, impetuous, slim, no one gave her more than thirty-five or forty, and she already was… She grinned, looking at the screen still hanging in front of the window, no matter how much she was. And it is important that everything with the poor fellow turned out to be in order, nothing broken. They were surrounded by excitedly speaking people, she bent toward him, close… Quite young, long hair fell in disorder on his shoulders, his glasses slipped on the tip of his nose… The view would have been frivolous if not for firmly compressed lips and not a look. She was surprised — there was no anger or annoyance in him. Only participation, empathy and desire to help. Help her? Yes.

“How are you, monsieur, it's okay?”

He shook his head, do not understand French. I switched to English. The guy smiled, nodded, wincing a little. He tried to sit down. The crowd around worried, demanding to lie down and wait for the doctor, he was already called. The guy frowned and raised his hand, asking everyone to fall silent. He looked at me and realized how was I uncomfortable here. Did he recognized me? Not? I do not think. He is too young. Even local residents have long ceased to associate the once-famous name with the humble madame. I always introduce myself as my husband's name. So, as a rule, I enjoy my incognito. But I need to take the guy to the hospital, I can not leave him on the street. And there … It will be necessary to fill out documents, to explain to the police. Publicity and a small scandal for the joy of the press. A newspaper headline appeared before my eyes. Oh, how I don't want to … May be, I will wait for the promised doctor and then